Things I Wish My Mama Had Taught Me

When I look at my children go about their daily lives, I often wonder how I can pass down to them all the important lessons I wish they knew. I frequently rejoice in the possibility to share life’s nuances and secrets with my girls, for them to live their best life.

And then I can’t help but think about the amazing human being that my mother was (and still is) to me). I reminisce about all the wisdom I have been blessed to have, just by being her daughter. My mother is a virtuous, kind, patient, God-fearing, beautiful woman. She is faithful and fearless; she is hard-working and resourceful.

That being said, she is only human, and she could not be perfect, and there certainly are things I wish she had taught me. So, although I know and can testify that she did her very best, here are the 8 things I wish my mama had educated me about.

1. That parents are also human beings; that they had a life before their children, that they suffer, they cry, they laugh, they are afraid, they feel lonely, they get frustrated, they want out, they want in. I have grown with a mother who was so private, strong and resilient, patient and kind, that I never knew she was…human. I have seen my mother cry only once in my entire life, and it was because she had broken an arm and was in the hospital. She cried because she was in physical pain. I was about 20 years old. Before that, I had never seen that lady cry. The same woman who lost a husband to illness. The same woman who raised three children by herself. The same woman who earned all her money. The same woman who left her home country and immigrated to the West by herself. The same woman who went to school and worked and took care of the house. I think had I known that she hurt just like us and got frustrated just like us, I would have cared for her better, and I would know how to be a little more vulnerable.

2. That money is not taboo, and that financial independence is not taught in school. My mother comes from a rather financially comfortable family. Now, she did not grow up rich, but she did not miss anything, as she comes from a family of entrepreneurs. I am sure she is financially savvier than I think, and that I could have learned a lesson or two about finances when I was growing up. She raised us as children, and I believe she did not want to burden us with ‘grown folk talk’. The problem is that ‘grown folk talk’ could have set me (and my brothers) on a better path when it comes to money management.

3. That sex IS fun and natural, just sacred. Like a lot of people in my generation, my mother and I never talked about sex, except one time at thirteen years old, when she told me to NOT have it before marriage. And that was it. I wish she had told me that having sex was a normal, healthy part of life. I wish she had let me know that I am supposed to have fun with it, that my pleasure mattered and that my expectations mattered. I wished she had given me such a positive vibe about sex that I could not wait to be married to experience it. I wish she had insisted not on the prohibition to have it before marriage, but on the reasons to reserve it to marriage. I wish we had talked about the emotional aspects of sex. I wish we had had a full conversation around this topic.

4. That being a woman is a delicate AND powerful thing. Since being little, I have always known that women had a little something special. I have always felt an aura, a superpower. Something soft but very impactful, in all the women I grew around. I never quite knew what it was, although I do now. I wish my mother had told me that women are delicate and soft beings, but hold such power in their femininity it can make the world go round. I wish she had shown me that being unapologetic in your femininity saves you a lot of trouble, headache, and heartache. I wish she had shown to be a go-getter, a resilient and resourceful person, but also how to be soft, laid-back, and in my feminine.

5. That self-care is paramount. I have seen my mother go and grab life by the horns. But rarely have I seen my mother take time to herself: take a bath, pamper herself, go for a massage, sit back and enjoy a glass of her favorite wine, or simply close her door and be in her thoughts. Therefore, I have never thought of it as something that she (or anyone else) needed. This truth hit me hard when I became a wife and mother and wanted to do it all by myself, wanting to bother no one and mostly, without taking time to recharge my battery and give myself some love. I wish my mother had taught me that the more you take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically, the more you can pour into others.

6. That faith is personal. I wish my mother had taught me that faith and religion are two different things. That my relationship with God had nothing to do with other people, but with God and me. I wish she had let me know that I had to develop my own knowledge and understanding of Him and the Word. I wish my mother had shown me that religion is a way to practice my faith, but that it is not the end all be all. I wish my mother had taught me to talk to God without shame and uncertainty and receive his Word with an open heart.

7. That your natural talents and inclinations matter. When I was little, I have always been into two things: dance, and psychology. I wish my mother had told me that knowing and nurturing my natural strengths would be good, as it will serve me and my community later. That my love for dance was a love for the human body and its expression, and that my love for psychology was a love for the human mind and its expression. I wish my mother had told me that it is as important to figure out what are your God-given talents than it is to figure out what you can do to pay the bills. And that if you work on developing them, your God-given talents can even pay your bills.

8. That thinking for yourself is the way to go. I wish I had been taught that when you sit around and do not decide to think and learn by yourself, others will think for you and will teach you only what they want you to learn. I wish my mama had taught me that it was my duty to go after the necessary information in a given situation. That I could go counterculture if necessary and design my own path, it is that just because something is a trend does not mean it is right, or true. I wish my mother had taught me to think for myself.

Those are the 8 things I wish my mother had told me when I was younger. I must say that I have learned these lessons, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way.

I will forever be grateful to my mother for caring for me, protecting me, and modeling to me what an amazing woman looks like. I will forever thank her for being a healthy role model for me. I hope one day my children feel the same way about me and vow to work towards that. And my work will include sharing these 8 things with them.

Now that I have shared mine, what do YOU wish your mother had taught you?